Get to the Heart of Hesitation
AM I DISTRACTING MYSELF FROM SOMETHING I DON’T WANT TO DO? AM I BUYING TIME BECAUSE IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT?
These are questions we must ask ourselves when we begin to sense reluctance about a relationship, task or situation.
Sometimes I notice a sense of procrastination in me. I have a task that will take a substantial amount of time and I put it off. I avoid working on something that needs my attention. I don’t really want to go, but if I don’t leave now, I will be late.
What is the rub? Why the hesitation?
Awareness is the first step. I observe this in myself: I want to scroll social media. Oh, there is an item I wanted to look at on Amazon. What chores do I need to do before I get started? Maybe I should work out first. I think I have time to watch that YouTube video…
That’s what it sounds like in my world some times—maybe you procrastinate with other things.
Once I become aware that I am doing this, I ask myself a few questions:
I know what I need to do, what I ought to do… but why am I not doing it?
Am I distracting myself from something I don’t want to do?
Am I buying time because it doesn’t feel right?
Do I need a mental/emotional/physical break right now?
I want to fully understand my situation. Getting curious, remembering not to shame myself, feel badly, or get angry—ask gentle questions to learn more about these feelings that are clearly getting in my way. I want to know more about them. Once I know, I determine the next steps forward and consciously decide how I want to feel, think and act.
Now that I understand more about these feelings and actions, I can move forward. If I have discovered that I need more clarity, maybe I can find a way to get that on my own through journaling or with a conversation with someone else. If I discover hesitations, I need to get to the bottom of the issue before determining a way forward.
Recently, I was tasked with a project that I was not really excited about. Days and weeks passed and I noticed I wasn’t doing much more than merely thinking about the project. I hadn’t taken any notable actions. So I scheduled time in my calendar to work on the project. Seems reasonable, right? But when the time came, I found other “priorities.” I need to work out, make my bed, reply to emails, write a proposal, pick the kids up, go to bed… I was doing everything to avoid starting. I told myself I had plenty of time still and these other things were more pressing than the project.
I got curious with myself. Did I not feel passion about the project? Was I feeling nervous about it? Was there some hesitation in my plan for the project and it felt overwhelming? What I discovered through the process is that I didn’t know where to start. When I don’t know where to start, there is really only one solution. JUST START! Once I determined that I wanted to pursue this project and that I was indeed excited about it but didn’t know where to start, I felt empowered to begin immediately. I knew where the reluctance was coming from so I could solve the problem.
Roadblocks are common. Usually we come to discover we are our own mental roadblocks. It’s kind of like playing a game with yourself. Making it playful and like a discovery of someone you don’t know very well takes the guilt out of it or the embarrassment you might feel. Instead, you are proactively understanding yourself so that you can take your own action. Doing this as soon as you sense the feelings of indecision or uncertainty will make sure you remain in the driver’s seat.
I think we have all procrastinated and then crammed at the last minute. Sometimes those circumstances turned out okay, but other times we landed in a harsh reality that it wasn’t our best work. Or perhaps we disappointed others in the process by letting deadlines go, tampered our reputation or risked team trust.
Do yourself a favor and get curious early. As soon as you sense hesitation, get into it with yourself. Don’t let it go on too long so that you get yourself into a stressful situation. Most of us don’t perform our best under pressure.
Now I have to get back to that project…
Jen
